Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Enterprise: OFT doing a thorough job

If anyone else came out with this guff it would be regarded as hilarious nonsense. However, as it's Ted, obviously having sacked his PR company, that's on his monthly spin out of dissemanation of readings from the Canute Academy Reality Rulebook According to Ted we can take it seriously. It's fantastic to see his crystal ball is telling him the pubcos are going to get off the hook. Perhaps he's been interviewed directly by the shady ranks of OFT and can see they listen carefully to the world according to Ted rather than taking heed of solid evidence from other departments of the pub world.

Errr we can expect the usual from Ted: 'beer runs uphill'; 'black is white'; 'abject failure is roaring success'; 'devaluation is inflation' and so on.

Sucking up to OFT mandarins publicly is not going his company off the hook or turn sliding profits or get the pubs he's keeping open through TMAs and management companies turned around into meaningful sustainable businesses that we can regard as upholding the tradition of the Great British Pub.

No doubt the Morons he labelled as MPs last year will have forgotten where he's coming from... Have you forgotten, oh dear tired tied publican?

It all adds up: four plus four equals fifteen, minus the four you started with equals twenty two; then factor in the ever increasing rent roll and above inflation beer supply price hikes and you get a healthy property owning plc valued at thirty. Take all these robust realities into account; factor in the inevitable devaluation of the estate and you have a much bigger value in your bricks and mortar than any rational person could have imagined possible, err about forty one sould do it for starters.

Then off to the Bahamas for a bit of peacful water sports then back via Peru (for some huntin' shootin' and fishin') and just look: the book value's gone up and the tenants are doign great, in spite of the challenging conditions placed upon them by those nasty supermarkets and silly punters who don't like paying through the back teeth for their booze. Dividends all round and trebles at the bar.

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