Saturday, November 30, 2013


Hey Ho More American Burgers to add to the already ludicrous mele that is the foodie craze in the UK Capital. £12.75 for a bacon cheese burger and medium fries.

The burger was fine, the bun is soft and bland but squeezes well and keeps the patties and contents in pretty well.

BUT £12.75 for a bacon cheese burger and medium fries. What a fucking joke.

So many chips it's impossible for a normal person to eat them - I couldn't manage even half of them - the bag you can't see in this shot was half full.  Really annoying.

Bottle water is £1.95 for 500ml. Tap water is free. The condiments on the customer side of the divide are pumped Heinz tomato ketchup only. This ketchup tasted overly sweet to me. Don't know that I've noticed that particularly with Heinz before. Maybe these American importers have a special tainted, unbearably sweet supply just for their own store.

I would have been less pissed off by it all if there was some Mayonnaise but I couldn't be bothered to go up to the counter and ask. By the way, Heinz Mayo is disgustingly sweet as well so I was also put off by an assumption that if the Five Guys did have Mayo for punters it would be the same shite as the ketchup.

The lighting in the place is vile, the decor harsh and sharp. The music is crap. It's amazing what being on the corner of one of the busiest bits of footfall in the UK can do for trade.


  1. I haven't seen the London incarnation, but the one close to home in Delaware has great burgers and the best fries(chips) for miles. which makes up for the stark white and red decor. I don't rate classic rock as crap so I am fine with that as well. Oh and Mark it is very successful it wins awards for its food and MAKES MONEY! Now their is a concept worth getting in touch with!

    p.s. Yes the Heinz ketchup has more sugar in the US - everything has more sugar in the US even the bread. Got to keep everyone addicted to something after all.

  2. Pops, this has to be one of the best food reviews that I have ever read in my life. You should very much consider emailing Food Network for a job as they would most likely kill for somebody who could write reviews of such high caliber!