Gareth Evans S&NPC BDM extraordinaire. Sacked, I believe, because they couldn't afford to keep up to his standards. Oh no. Gardening Leave it was called.

I asked him once: "Gareth how many pubs did you tell me that you look after? 50 or so?"

"Yes about that, fifty three I think"

"Well Gareth, I was thinking about the number of times you visit me against the number of times and I call You and I don't get an answer. Usually your message says you're in a 'training day' or on a 'conference' and that you'll return the call - as soon as possible - but then you don't. And I get done whatever I called about anyway and wonder why I've got a 'BDM' at all."

"Then I thought: hang on, Gareth only comes here maybe once every three months if that, and then only for half an hour or so and he never makes an appointment, he just turns up. If he's got fifty pubs on his patch and does the same with them, what does that work out to, spread across a working week?"

Well Gareth, I find the math for this kind of thing difficult to do but I think I can say without fear of contradiction, if you put the same amount of time into the rest of your pubs as you do to this one, then you must visit a pub what? Maybe three times a week - eh? FOUR maybe - IF that?"

That seems a fair assessment considering how often you come by here. What is it they train you to do Gareth? Sit in your car at the side of the road eating sandwiches or something? Teach you how not to answer the phone or not to return calls the way normal working people do?"

He just sat there and mumbled nothing. Was a bit weird to be honest.