To paraphrase: "The dispense metering equipment (fitted in thousands of British tied pubs) can tell the difference between water and beer".

REALLY? OH! NO IT CAN'T. OH! Yes IT CAN. OH! NO IT CAN'T. OH! Yes IT CAN. OH! NO IT CAN'T. OH! Yes IT CAN. OH! NO IT CAN'T. OH! Yes IT CAN. OH! NO IT CAN'T. OH! Yes IT CAN.

Last words in this pantomime are: OH! NO IT CAN'T!

Later on, when the spotlights are down and the curtains closed, pubco CEO smiles to himself: "Funny that, I really didn't realise it only measures volume, whatever is pumped through". Makes mental note to self: "don't bother doing that cellar training course after all, there's obviously no need; no one else knows what they are talking about either".

Audience goes home satisfied at their day's entertainment and life goes on unchanged.

Any statistics anywhere on how much of this equipment is fitted in free of tie pubs?